A Lord of the Rings Vacation
by SummonerChica
Summary: The LOTR ppl go on vacation. What insanity will occur? R&R! My first fic, so please no flames! Chap. 6 up!
1. ThE VaCaTiOn BeGiNs

A/N: No, the Lord of the Rings characters do NOT belong to me, so don't sue me!  
  
  
  
A Lord of the Rings Vacation  
  
Legolas hopped into the driver's seat of his new bright yellow jeep, while the others prepared to go to the beach.  
  
Boromir sat in the back left seat, stroking a little yellow haired doll, chanting, 'Pretty Susie gets to go on vacation! Will she give me a manicure when we get there?', which severely annoyed Gandalf, who was sitting in the passenger seat.  
  
Phrodo sat in the middle back seat, with a Chihuahua named Sam sitting in his lap (Sam the Chihuahua was all Phrodo brought along).  
  
Aragorn (or Strider, or Dunadan…) sat in the right back seat with a little fan club behind him…  
  
"Ladies! Ladies! FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT INIGO MONTOYA!" Aragorn shouted at the large fan club.  
  
The girls looked disgusted and stalked off, truly disappointed.  
  
Legolas began driving at full speed.  
  
"Susie says slow down!' whined Boromir to the driver.  
  
The elf looked back at Boromir with an annoyed expression.  
  
"No," Legolas said, turning back to face the road.  
  
All of a sudden the doll became evil and grew fangs. It leapt into Aragorn's lap and began gnawing on his hair.  
  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEE!" Aragorn cried out.  
  
Gandalf used his staff of magic to explode the doll and Boromir started crying.  
  
Legolas turned up the volume of the radio, so that Linkin Park started blaring in everyone's ears.  
  
"You don't want me to have any friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeends!" Boromir sobbed.  
  
"Aragorn, are you alright?" Gandalf asked the Ranger.  
  
Strider just looked into space, a blank look on his pale face.  
  
"ARAGORN! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" Gandalf repeated.  
  
Legolas frowned and sped up, mumbling, "Just two more hours. Just two more hours."  
  
End Chapter One  
  
@_@ Sorry if it's short…I promise the next chapter will be longer! I made these people a little bit more crazy, and made Legolas like Linkin Park… Review please! I just wanted to get it started…  
  
-SummonerChica 


	2. PiLloW wArS

A/N: I already said they aren't mine…but oh well! I DON'T OWN THE LORD OF THE RINGS CHARACTERS!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Legolas pulled into the hotel and sighed.  
  
"Finally!" he said, beginning to unload the car with Gandalf and Frodo's help.  
  
Once everything was unloaded and stuffed in their huge room, the sun was already setting on the beach, and Frodo decided to take Sam on walk, while Legolas went outside to watch the sun set.  
  
Gandalf stayed behind to act like a psychologist to Aragorn, and make sure Boromir didn't escape.  
  
While walking, Frodo saw Legolas doing something odd. He was talking with a girl who looked like an elf!  
  
The hobbit gasped because he didn't think that elves were living in this area and Sam…well…just peed on a tree.  
  
Phrodo didn't say anything and just went back to the hotel with Sam the Chihuahua.  
  
It was about eight o' clock when Legolas got back to the room, bringing dinner with him…and a Sailor Moon doll for Boromir.  
  
Gandalf finally got tired of Strider's silence and slapped Aragorn across the face with a pillow.  
  
Aragorn suddenly woke up out of his trance and hit Gandalf back, spraying feathers everywhere.  
  
The wizard was about to attack his friend with a pillow again when Strider ducked, making Gandalf hit Frodo instead.  
  
Frodo didn't know who hit him, so grabbed his pillow and hit Legolas over the head.  
  
Legolas leapt in the air (he was sitting on the bed next to Phrodo, watching TV before) and landed, so the fluffy bed made Phrodo bounce high in the air.  
  
Aragorn hit Boromir with a pillow.  
  
Boromir started wailing and hid in the bathroom.  
  
Gandalf 'kidnapped' Sam, and Sam went psycho and almost knocked over the cart with food on it…but the wizard held on tight.  
  
The war went on for about an hour, when all of a sudden there was a knock at the door.  
  
Aragorn went to get it, doing a front flip on the way to avoid a pillow Legolas had thrown at him.  
  
It was Saruman the maid. (Yes, he was wearing the little apron, etc.)  
  
"Oh my!" Saruman cried in a high pitched voice, "You made a meesssssss!"  
  
Boromir stepped out of the bathroom saying, "I tooooooooold you! I had nothing to do with this! I'm leaving!"  
  
So the man left, taking his Sailor Moon doll with him.  
  
While Boromir was leaving, Gandalf shuddered. He swore he saw the Sailor Moon doll grin at him on Boromir's way out.  
  
Saruman the maid shrugged and began cleaning. He told Aragorn, Gandalf, Legolas, Sam the Chihuahua, and Frodo to leave while he cleaned.  
  
When they returned, the room was perfect, and there were even new pillows! The old pillows which they had fought with even were in a little stack with a note on top, saying:  
  
Take these EVIL pillows! Uwah ah ah!  
  
-Saruman the inherently evil maid  
  
P.S.- I will make sure there is a demonic tip!!!!  
  
Legolas shrugged and shoved the pillows into a bag.  
  
"Now! What do you say we eat that dinner?" Aragorn said, advancing toward the cart…  
  
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A MINI ORC BURT INTO THE ROOM AND STOLE ALL OF THE FOOD!  
  
Gandalf was about to attack it, but then he realized that it was just a leprechaun and began watching Princess Mononoke on Cartoon Network. He loved those butt babies, those sweet little kodamas.  
  
Legolas sighed and slumped into a chair.  
  
Could nothing go right on this vacation?  
  
He pulled out his portable CD player and listened to Linkin Park loudly while Frodo called room service for more food.  
  
Legolas began singing along to Linkin Park in that elvish voice of his, so everyone became a trance. (Never mix elvish singing with Linkin Park!)  
  
A/N: *gasp* what will happen? And I'm sorry that I spelled Frodo's name wrong! X_X  
  
I didn't mean to…I remember I had spelled it wrong before, but I couldn't remember if it was PH or F… ^_^' So sorry. And yes, BlueBerryPancakes, it is a Jeep Wrangler (with the top off right now), a CD player, and pretty big off-road tires.  
  
-SummonerChica 


	3. ThE eViL dAnCe

A/N: Blah blah blah don't own blah blah  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Back to where we left the fellowship…  
  
Legolas began hopping around, half dancing to Linkin Park. Of course, this made his CD skip…so Gandalf, Frodo, Aragorn, and Sam the Chihuahua were going in and out of trances.  
  
When the CD ended, Gandalf slapped the elf.  
  
"Dude, you slapped me!"  
  
"Dude! You deserved it!"  
  
"Dude!"  
  
"Dude!"  
  
"Dude!"  
  
"Dude!"  
  
"Dude!"  
  
"Dude! What's that?" Gandalf cried as ten shadows crept past the window.  
  
*Knock knock knock*  
  
Sam the Chihuahua growled as Frodo crawled toward the door and opened it.  
  
Standing there (looking rather silly) was Sauron wearing a fluffy pink tutu, and behind him stood the nine wraiths wearing fruity pink cloaks.  
  
"I AM THE LORD OF THE DANCE!" Sauron shouted, "WRAITHS! DO YOUR JOB!"  
  
The nine just stood there, hissing among themselves.  
  
"DARN YOU, YOU DUMB DANCEWRAITHS! I SAID DO YOUR JOB! DANCE!" Sauron yelled at his 'evil' minions.  
  
"What's up with this fruit?" Wraith # 1 hissed.  
  
"He used to be cool!" Wraith #2 agreed.  
  
Sauron pulled out something to threaten the wraiths with…THE WIGGLES DANCE PARTY!!!!!  
  
"I love The Wiggles!" Sauron said as he hugged the tape.  
  
The wraiths suddenly broke into a very complicated ballet.  
  
"UWAH AH AH! I AM NOW THE LORD OF THE DANCE!"  
  
Aragorn fainted.  
  
Gandalf ran and hid in the bathroom.  
  
Frodo held Sam the Chihuahua tight.  
  
Legolas covered his eyes.  
  
And Sam, well…peed where he was, so Frodo found a 'mysterious wet spot' on his cloak later on.  
  
"GIVE ME THE CRYSTAL!" shouted Sauron.  
  
"Okay honey poo!" Frodo said.  
  
Legolas gave Frodo a dirty look and Frodo just shrugged.  
  
"It seemed the right thing to say," he said, defending him self.  
  
Aragorn suddenly awoke and said, "I have to peeeeeeeeee!"  
  
He then ran to the bathroom and after a few seconds, there came the sound of Gandalf's scream.  
  
The wizard ran out of the bathroom, staff in hand.  
  
"Disgusting! Absolutely disgusting!" he muttered, but then (only Legolas heard this part because of his groovy elf ears) he whispered, "At first I thought he was a woman, but same with that elf thing over there."  
  
The wraiths continued their dance and Sauron stood there impatiently.  
  
" I said hand me the crystal!" he whined.  
  
All of a sudden, Gollum burst into the room, and as soon as he saw Sam the Chihuahua, fell in love. He just didn't understand that Sam was a GUY.  
  
So this continued for about an hour, when Aragorn walked out of the bathroom aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…laughed at what Legolas was leading Gandalf and Frodo in…yoga.  
  
Though Aragorn didn't know what it was, so he tapped the elf on the shoulder and asked, "Whatcha dooooooooooin'?"  
  
"Yoga."  
  
"No. There is another. Yoda, man! That's crazy! But you do have the pointy ears…just like the little green chickpea…"  
  
Legolas gave up, when Frodo came up with an idea.  
  
Sauron and the wraiths kept on dancing…  
  
And Frodo just shut the door on them and locked it.  
  
Gollum fled after being slapped by Sam (Chihuahua slapped!).  
  
Gandalf grumbled and hopped into bed. Aragorn put on Cartoon Network and saw Sailor Moon was on.  
  
"Ooooooooooooh! Short skirrrrrrrrrrts!" Strider said.  
  
Frodo slapped Strider upside the head for saying that.  
  
"Can't you get the true meaning?" Frodo cried.  
  
*Get ready for a big speech*  
  
"Can't you see that they are soldiers who (much like the Power Rangers) fight under the moonlight for the power of love? They protect the world though they are all you girls and…"  
  
*Radio gets turned up*  
  
SHUT UP! SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKIN' TO YOU! SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! I'M ABOUT TO BREAK!  
  
"Legolas! Turn down that funky music!" Gandalf said, sitting up angrily, "Or I'll trim that hair! Now go to sleep! Punk kids…"  
  
Legolas looked extremely hurt and went to sleep.  
  
Frodo looked suspiciously at Strider. He had switched the TV to MTV.  
  
On the TV…  
  
The announcer smiled and said, "NOW, FOR BEHIND THE MOVIES…LORD OF THE RINGS!"  
  
"Huh?!?!?!?!?!??!" Frodo cried.  
  
"Groovy. All those chickpeas doin' a show about us…it's groovy, man!" Aragorn said.  
  
Sam looked up, thinking, 'Dumb humans, they spend all their time watching TV and not thinking about the meaning of life which they all know…and all dogs know…because it is…'  
  
*Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*  
  
'Oh crap. I just wet the floor.'  
  
"Sam! Shush! The groovy dudes are talkin'!"  
  
The announcer continued…  
  
"So, here we view Elijah Wood, Orlando Bloom, and Ian McKellen (or whatever the actor's name is that plays Gandalf) doing their late night activities…"  
  
"Orlando Bloom has first agreed to do an interview," Lucy Lu the reporter said.  
  
Now we view Legolas strapped down in a chair, trying to escape.  
  
"So, Orlando Bloom, what was it like acting with Ian and Elijah and Agent Smith (Elrond)?"  
  
"WHO THE HECK IS THIS "ORLANDO" PERSON YOU KEEP BABBLING ON ABOUT, YOU CRAZY WOMAN! I TOLD YOU MY NAME IS LEGOLAS!" Legolas shouted insanely. He then wigged out again and tried to escape.  
  
He succeeded and all of the security goons popped out and began chasing him.  
  
Now we view Legolas running in the woods, several tranquilizer darts in his butt.  
  
He escapes and then it goes to Frodo…in a shower…  
  
"THIS IS TERRIBLY EMBARRASSING!" Frodo shouted.  
  
"Law suit!" Strider shouted, and was attacked by lightning bolts for waking Gandalf up.  
  
A/N: You all get the Sam the Chihuahua thing, right? I was making fun of Sam's loyal doggedness to Frodo. Sorry about the long chapter…and I bet it's sorda boring…but I have some stuff coming up! ^_^ Pleeeeeeeeeeeease review! I have currently 13 reviews… Oh! And, by the way, you'l get the crystal thing if you've seen Cool World. @_@ Well, I'm off to grab some Gummi Bears and listen to Jimmy Eat World…  
  
Ciao.  
  
-SummonerChica 


	4. CoUrTrOoM iNsAnItY

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't LOTR, and, hmm… if you do…YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUCKY!  
  
A/N: ^_^ Okay, I'm thinking of wrapping this thing up sometime soon…unless I get reviews that tell me otherwise! ^_~'  
  
Chapter 4!!!!!!!  
  
Sure enough, the Fellowship sued the people who made 'Behind the Movies'…and here is the day they go to court. They're suing for 100,000,000,000 dollars! *GUWAH AH AH!*  
  
Legolas walked in wearing a tight gray suit, Gandalf wearing his usual clothes, Frodo wearing a light blue tuxedo, and Sam the Chihuahua wore a fluffy pink sweater. (Like in Legally Blonde!)  
  
Frodo looked at Legolas with his big blue eyes.  
  
"I wonder if master Strider is EVER going to arrive!" he said.  
  
The elf just shrugged and looked around. It was the ranger's lawsuit, they were just supporting him!  
  
Just then Aragorn ran in wearing a pink-and-white striped leotard.  
  
"I apologize!" he cried.  
  
"What happened to you?" said Gandalf.  
  
"Someone stole my clothes!"  
  
Suddenly, Saruman the inherently evil made burst in.  
  
"I STOLE YOUR CLOTHES! AND I SPILLED RED KOOL-AID ON THEM!" Saruman the White shouted.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Dunadan (Aragorn, Strider, WHATEVER THE HECK YOU WANT TO SAY!) cried.  
  
"YES! THAT! AND THE TRUTH IS THAT…I'M YOUR BROTHER'S UNCLE'S COUSIN'S NEPHEW'S FORMER ROOMMATE!"  
  
A/N: Is that what it is? Something like that…ANYWAY!  
  
*gasps are heard all over the court room*  
  
"What does that make us?" Strider asked.  
  
"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! WHICH IS WHAT THESE STAINS ARE ABOUT TO BECOME!"  
  
Saruman then suddenly was on his own infomercial.  
  
"Sauron's stain away REALLY works! See this awful stains, red kool-aid never comes out! OR SO YOU THOUGHT! GUWAH AH AH!"  
  
He then dipped it in a bucket and pulled it out…  
  
"CONFOUND THIS!" he said. The clothes had disintegrated in the solution.  
  
"Made of 10% Legolas's shampoo, and 90% Orc urine!" the announcer said in that fake-sounding voice that most announcers have.  
  
"How'd they get my shampoo?!?!?" Legolas cried, "OH THE HUMANITY!"  
  
Legolas then passed out, and Frodo just stood there, trying to wake the elf by kicking him.  
  
Frodo then looked up with an angry expression on his face.  
  
"Let me have my vacation," he hissed at Saruman the inherently evil maid.  
  
Frodo then pulled out Sting and tried to attack the maid.  
  
Security Guard Merry and Security Guard Pippin restrained Frodo and Security Guard Gollum threw Saruman out of the courtroom.  
  
Then, the defendants walked in.  
  
They were…Randy S., Will Ferrel, Mrs. Tiggywinkle the hedgehog, Cool Spot, and a hamster named Phil.  
  
A/N: I don't own them either! Although I thought of the hamster named Phil…so he's mine! ^_^ *I'll explain who the other people are later!  
  
"All rise for the honorable Judge Elrond!" a military-ish voice said automatically.  
  
And Elrond walked in, just as Legolas was awoken.  
  
"Look at my spiffy pants!" Elrond said, holding up a pair of gold shiny plastic pants for all to see.  
  
Frodo then came up with a very bright idea.  
  
"I KNOW! FORGET THE COURTROOM! WE CAN SETTLE THIS ON JERRY SPRINGER!" he shouted.  
  
Legolas looked at the halfling with approval. He was one smart little bugger.  
  
Everybody murmured approvals…and so…since I don't want to make a huge chapter…in the next and *gasp* possibly final chapter of this fanfic there will be the JERRY SPRINGER SHOW!!!! -also isn't mine  
  
A/N: Okay, I told you I'd tell you about the defendants…Randy is my sister's boyfriend (who I despise, so I can have a lot of fun with him on the Jerry Springer show!), and I think you all know who Will Ferrel is, I thought of Phil the hamster, and Cool Spot is the old 7up logo, (He's really cute!) and alas, there is Mrs. Tiggywinkle. A very sad story. It was my sister's friend's hamster who was so sweet. But, sadly, she died a few years back. Write more later!  
  
-SummonerChica 


	5. MaRy sUeS, sTrEeT jAnItOrS, nUdItY, aNd ...

A/N: No I do NOT own them! (though I wish that Orlando Bloom was mine!!! ^_^) Oh! By the way! My e-mail has changed! It is now star_light_elf_warrior@yahoo.com  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Jerry Springer walked on stage, and the crowd was roaring…no, literally, they were rabid squirrels. (There was a cage around the actual set to keep them (and the occasional regular person in the crowd) from rioting onto the set.  
  
"Hello! And welcome to the Jerry Springer show, and today's topic is "Squeak Squeakity Squeaker Squeaky."  
  
(Translation: I just want to kick your butt.)  
  
"Please welcome…Aragorn…Legolas, Frodo, Sam (the Chihuahua?! What the *beep*?!)and apparently Gandalf couldn't make it today…(because he was placed in an insane asylum earlier today) Who say that they JUST WANT TO KICK SOME BUTT!" Jerry announced, "oh, and by the way, here are Randy, Mrs. Tiggywinkle, Phil the hamster, Will Ferrel, and Cool Spot."  
  
Randy walked out wearing my sister's old blue two-piece bathing suit with his shirt rolled up in it (stuffing it), and sat down. He began whispering into Jerry's ear.  
  
Jerry looked up to the camera and said, "Well…it appears that only Randy can make it today…due to some TECHNICAL difficulties!"  
  
The rabid squirrels laughed evilly.  
  
Then Frodo and the others walked on.  
  
Randy immediately began being stupid and looked at Legolas.  
  
"BRING IT ON ELF BOY!"  
  
Legolas just snuck away into the shadows and ran out of the studio shouting, "I'M GOING TO A DAY SPA!"  
  
Frodo looked at Sam the Chihuahua and gasped. He was trying madly to get to a rabid squirrel. The two were *in looooooooooove*.  
  
Aragorn and Randy had gotten into a fist fight, and my sister (an audience member) couldn't make up her mind to which she thought was *in her words about Aragorn* 'a total hottie'.  
  
Frodo sighed and went to go join Legolas.  
  
Aragorn realized he was alone and kicked Randy one last time and ran off of the stage. He was chased by the 'dancewraiths' (inside joke) on mini scooters.  
  
He looked for Legolas's jeep and since he didn't see it in the parking lot, just decided to do something which he had learned from a video game (Grand Theft Auto III)…so he stole a car. What he didn't know was that it was Tom Bombadil and Goldberry's car. JUDGE Bombadil.  
  
The dancewraiths (though they wished they were still ringwraiths) continued on on their mini scooters, somehow keeping up.  
  
All of a sudden, a huge wave of water broke through the street and washed away all of the wraiths.  
  
Arwen the street janitor stood on the curb smiling. Aragorn pulled over and got out of the car.  
  
The cops came, so he ran…and at the same time he was giving Arwen a piggy-back ride, so this of course slowed him down considerably.  
  
***At the day spa***  
  
Legolas sighed as the masseuse walked in…unfortunately (though he didn't know it) it was…a Mary Sue! So, of course, since he and Frodo were only wearing towels, this caused quite a problem. Another Mary Sue walked up to Frodo.  
  
The Mary Sue behind Legolas looked at the one behind Frodo looked at eachother and nodded. In unison, they grabbed the towels slowly and ripped them off.  
  
Legolas screamed and tried to reach for a new towel, while Frodo struggled away, while being whipped in the butt with his former towel.  
  
Legolas's Mary Sue showed the elf the towel cart and pushed it down the hall. Legolas and Frodo went running after it as quick as they could.  
  
The cart got pushed outside, and Legolas and Frodo ran after it.  
  
Meanwhile, in the streets outside the Spa, there was a certain author jogging on the sidewalk. The cart zoomed past her, and of course, the two people followed.  
  
She screamed and laughed at the same time, emitting a weird gurgly sound.  
  
This caught the hobbit's attention, along with the elf's, so they turned around and stopped running, not realizing that the cart was still going…and going…  
  
***With Aragorn***  
  
"Listen officer, I was being chased by dancewraiths on mini scooters!" Strider pleaded.  
  
Arwen had managed to sweet talk her way out of it, and was now continuing her job as a street janitor.  
  
"Aye! And there are naked elves running in the streets!" the officer answered (the officer was also the singer for Flogging Molly).  
  
"What a coincidence!" Aragorn said, as Legolas, Frodo, and of course Nikki (SummonerChica) ran past, "and it appears there are hobbits too, sir!"  
  
The officer fainted, and a group of midget Mary Sues caught him and carried him away.  
  
Aragorn happened to be wearing a cloak over his regular outfit so he ran and gave the cloak to Legolas.  
  
"What do I doooooooooo?!" Frodo whined.  
  
"I know how!" Legolas said, and picked Frodo up and tossed him into a garbage can, then placed the lid on.  
  
"Let's go see a movie!" Legolas said, and they moved toward the Cinema.  
  
They started watching Tomb Raider, but they thought it was too gay and went back to the hotel room.  
  
When they arrived, Frodo pulled out a laptop and popped in You Don't Know Jack Volume 3.  
  
Legolas looked over at the computer and sat down next to Frodo.  
  
Aragorn went out to pick Arwen the street janitor up for a night out on the town.  
  
A/N: Okay, maybe I won't end this so soon…^_^ I have SO many ideas for Aragorn and Arwen's night on the town, Sam the Chihuahua's many loves, Gandalf in the insane asylum, Sauron and the Dancewraiths, Saruman the inherently evil maid, and (of course) Legolas and Frodo's game of You Don't Know Jack. ^_~ This story began when I had just eaten a ton of SUGAR, and now I actually TRY…and I'm thinking of writing another story…errrrrrrrrr…not a comedy though…oh crap I think I better go to sleep.  
  
-SummonerChica /^-(..)-^\ -PIGGY!!!!!!!!! ^_^ I LOVE THE PIGGY! I THOUGHT OF THE PIGGYYYYY!!!!!!!!  
  
*Babble incoherently, something about 'my precioussssssssssssss piggggggggggyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy….'* 


	6. YdKj, GaYrOnD, bYe ByE sAm, LoNeLy ArAgO...

A/N: Happy Easter!  
  
A/N: I am so sick of writing the whole, "I don't own them!" thing, but there ya go. None of the stuff mentioned in this WHOLE fanfic is mine (though I wish Legolas was mine!) except for the hamster. Though I do own a piece of crap computer that always manages to mess SOMETHING up. And, by the way, the quotes/ideas with Gandalf aren't mine either. Ooh.rain and thunder! I'm changing the style I'm writing it in.you'll see what I mean.it's like the scripty thing.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
*Starts out with Frodo and Legolas playing You Don't Know Jack in the Hotel Room*  
  
Frodo: *laughs evilly* BOOYA! I beat you fifteen times in a row! Uh-huh, uh- huh, Who's your daddy?!  
  
Legolas: *staring at computer screen* Plaaaaaaaaaay.  
  
Frodo: *glances at clock* It's two AM, I'm just going to go get a snack.  
  
Legolas: It wantssssssssss to getttssssssssss itssssssssssself a sssssssssnack, shall we let it, my precioussssssssssssssssss? Eh?  
  
Frodo: *reaches over to laptop and presses the OFF button*  
  
Legolas: *does the evil face thing Bilbo does in the movie*  
  
Frodo: *Grabs Sam the Chihuahua, runs out of the hotel room* I'M GOING BACK! MERRY! PIPPIN! I'M COMING HOME!  
  
Legolas: *shrugs* What was up with him? Oh, cool! You Don't Know Jack!  
  
*Gandalf in the insane asylum*  
  
Employee #1: Okay, Mr. Anderson. Now, it appears that you have two lives. One where you are Mr. Anderson, a regular man who pays his taxes, goes to work, and helps his landlady take out the garbage. Then you have a second life, where you are a wizard named Gandalf.  
  
Gandalf: I know my rights. I want my phone call!  
  
Employee #1: My name is Agent Smith!  
  
Gandalf: What does that have to do with anything?!  
  
Agent Smith: I dunno. Just sounded cool. Now we can do this the hard way or the easy way. You're going to help us out whether you want to or not, Mr. Anderson.  
  
Gandalf: How about I give you the finger.and you give me my phone call? *flicks 'Agent Smith' off*  
  
Gandalf: Give me my phone call!  
  
Agent Smith: What good is a phone.if you can't speak?.  
  
*Two other employees walk up, and pin Gandalf to the table.*  
  
Agent Smith: You will be laughing too hard!  
  
*All begin tickling his stomach*  
  
Agent Smith: Oh, who's got a pudgy tum-tum?  
  
Gandalf: Dear god, I'm too old for this. *laughs insanely as they tickle him*  
  
Employee #2: Oh, he's a clever one!  
  
Agent Smith: Yes he is!  
  
Employee #2: *explodes*  
  
Agent Smith: Oh my! Agent Nesbit exploded!  
  
Gandalf: Don't be so sentimental, Smith-boy, things explode every day.  
  
*Aragorn and Arwen*  
  
Aragorn: Awwwwwwww, snchnooky-pie, I wuv you!  
  
Jessica (my sister): *walks into restaurant and sees Aragorn and pushes Arwen out of the way*  
  
Jessica: You and Randy are hot-hunks-o-man!  
  
Arwen: *pushes Jessica away* My Tooshy Pie!  
  
Jessica: Mine! Wait a sec, you call your boyfriend Tooshy Pie too?!  
  
Arwen: Yeah! I called him that fiiirst!  
  
Jessica: Did not!  
  
Aragorn: * Watches the two people fight over him happily*  
  
Aragorn: Aw yeah, I'm DA man! I'm a chick magnet. Nobody can resist.SUPER SCHNOOKUMS! *flexes abs and rips shirt*  
  
Arwen: I finally got rid of her!  
  
Aragorn: Well, there's something I've been wanting to ask you.  
  
Arwen: Yeah?  
  
Aragorn: Yes.you know how you're giving up your immortality to me?  
  
Arwen: Yes.  
  
Aragorn: Well, can I HAVE your immortality?  
  
Arwen: No! Now I know why I end up loving someone else in the end! (Faramir??? I think.)  
  
Arwen: *Storms out*  
  
*Gollum* A/N: This part's gonna be sad, then cute, so, it may change how you feel about Gollum.  
  
Gollum; *Walking in an alley.alone* Why does everybody hate Smeagol? Smeagol just wants to have a friend! The ring was nice to meeeeeeeeeeee, usually.  
  
*stray dog wanders up to him*  
  
Gollum: Hello! Will you be my friend?  
  
Dog: *wags tail*  
  
Gollum: You areeeeeeeeeeee ssssssssssso cute! *hugs the dog*  
  
Dog: *wags tail*  
  
Gollum: Let'ssssssss go to my housssssssssssssssssse! The Princess Bride is on tonight!  
  
Dog: *wags tail*  
  
Gollum: Yay!  
  
A/N: Dear god, what am I writing? How the HECK did this story end up like this?  
  
*Sam the Chihuahua*  
  
Frodo: *runs, holding Sam the Chihuahua*  
  
*The rabid squirrel runs by*  
  
Sam: *Whines to get to the squirrel*  
  
Frodo: *Looks from squirrel to Sam and gets an extremely cute look in his eyes, puts Sam down and Sam runs to the squirrel*  
  
Frodo: Goodbye, Sam. I'll miss you. Have a good life. *Gets all teary-eyed and slumps back to the hotel room*  
  
*Back to Gandalf*  
  
Gandalf: *Passes out from lack of air because he's laughing so hard*  
  
Agent Smith: Tee-hee!  
  
Gandalf: *dies*  
  
Employee #3: Oh.we killed him.  
  
Gandalf: *comes back to life* Agent Smith: *gasp*  
  
Gandalf: I know why you look so familiar! You're Elrond!  
  
Agent Smith: No! I'm his twin brother, Gayrond!  
  
Gandalf: Eew.  
  
--------------------A & A---------------- Aragorn: Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!  
  
----------------------------Legolas----------  
  
Legolas: *playing chutes and ladders with Frodo* Frodo: Wow, this author is totally running out of ideas. Legolas: You bet.  
  
END CHAPTER 6  
  
A/N: O_O 


	7. ThE sEvEnTh ChApTeR

Kenshin: ORO? CHAPTER SEVEN IN A LORD OF THE RINGS VACATION?!  
  
Me: Yes, my friend. Chapter SEVEN.  
  
Disclaimer: Rock on, JRR. I don't own Lord of the Rings, the song lyrics in here.  
  
-------------------SAM THE CHIHUAHUA AND THE RABID SQUIRREL------------  
  
Rabid Squirrel: squeakity squack Sam  
  
Sam: pant pant whine whine smile smile RS  
  
(Translation: Rabid Squirrel: I love you, Chihuahua Sam Sam: I love you too, RS)  
  
Rabid Squirrel: squeaker smack chew drool (Let's get married)  
  
Sam: burp *wag, rolls around on back*  
  
(Okay then)  
  
So those two ran off smiling because they were married  
  
(hey, things work differently in this animal world, a proposition automatically means you're married without a ceremony etc.)  
  
-------------In the hotel room---------- *both singing off tune* Legolas: Drink and Drink and Drink and Drink and fight!  
  
Frodo: And now I see a pretty girl and sleep with her tonight!  
  
Legolas: Drink and Drink and Drink and Drink and fight!  
  
Frodo: Okay, we've sung that song fifteen times let's think of a new one. How about Dixie Chicks?  
  
Legolas: Mary Ann and Wanda were the best of friends all through their high school days, both members of the 4H club, both active in the FFA  
  
Frodo: After graduation, Mary Ann went out lookin' for a brand new world. Wanda looked all around this town and all she found was Earl.  
  
-------------The closest beach------------  
  
Aragorn: But I love you, Arwie poo!  
  
Arwen: I love you too, Araaaaagoooooorn!  
  
*hug eachother*  
  
Random group of people: Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!  
  
Aragorn: *picks up Arwen* come on, let's go to the movies!  
  
Arwen: It's four in the morning. What movies are open?  
  
Aragorn: Good point. Let's go sightseeing.  
  
They ended up seeing a public bathroom, casino, pigeon, McDonalds, and the Dancewraiths and Sauron parading in to Victoria's Secret (they didn't know what it was) then come running out with bags of stuff, security guard in tow. Aragorn and Arwen went back on to the beach to watch the sun rise, then went back to the hotel room to find Legolas and Frodo playing strip go fish.  
  
Legolas was down to his plaid boxers, Frodo was down to one sock, black boxers, and beater.  
  
Arwen: I guess you should go home soon.  
  
Frodo: But we have to get Gandalf from the insane asylum.  
  
Aragorn: I won't go without you!  
  
Arwen: Okay, I'll quit my job as a street janitor and come back with you!  
  
Frodo: But we have to get Gandalf from the insane asylum.  
  
Legolas: I don't think they heard you. We'll let them be happy and go out and get him.  
  
----------------Insane asylum----------  
  
Gandalf: So your parents rejected you, Gayrond?  
  
Gayrond: And then.and then-Elrond stole my pretty purple leotard!  
  
Gandalf: It's okay, Gayrond, It's all over now. Look how successful you are!  
  
Gayrond: Do you really think so?  
  
Gandalf: Yeah! Of course I do!  
  
Employee #4: Okay, Mr. Gandalf, you're free to go.  
  
Gandalf: Yay! Can he come with me?  
  
Employee number 4: Of course he can.  
  
Gayrond: Yay!  
  
Frodo: Gandalf! You're free! And you found-Elrond?  
  
Gayrond: GAYROND!  
  
Legolas and Frodo: *snicker snicker*  
  
Gayrond: Shut up!  
  
--------------in the streets-------------  
  
Gollum: Puppyyyyyyyyyy!!!  
  
He then saw Gandalf, Gayrond, Legolas, and Frodo coming out of the insane asylum.  
  
Gollum: *runs up to them* Take us hooooooooome! Take us wiiiiithh youuuuuuuu!  
  
Frodo: Okay!  
  
Legolas: This is going to be a very cramped trip back.  
  
END CHAPTER 7  
  
A/N: So their vacation is drawing to an end. If you guys want me 2 I can make a sequel.But this story is gonna end next chapter. Hope you liked it, R&R. 


	8. ThE DrIvE HoMe

Disclaimer: One lawyer to see my mistake, one lawyer to sue me, one big chunk of cash gone away. . . if I don't say that I don't own Lord of the Rings.  
  
A/N: Hope you like it  
  
The Eighth and Final Chapter of A Lord of the Rings Vacation  
  
Frodo, Gandalf, Gollum, Gayrond, Arwen, Aragorn, and Legolas all solemnly packed their bags and loaded them in to the jeep.  
  
Gollum sighed quietly, "My sweet little pupppyyyyyyy!"  
  
Frodo: Why don't you give it a name?  
  
Gollum: I'll name you-  
  
Frodo: Sam! Why don't you call him Sam?  
  
Gollum: Shut uuuuuuuuup, hobbit.  
  
Gayrond: Dude, how about Beast?  
  
Gollum: I likes this 'Beast'  
  
Beast: *wags tail*  
  
Aragorn: Hey! Look! It's Sam. . .and that rabid squirrel. . .  
  
Arwen: Aw, aren't they so cute!  
  
Gandalf: Well, let's see. We have a car that can comfortably fit five people in it, and one of the seats doesn't have a seatbelt. Legolas, how many people do we have?  
  
Legolas: Three elves, one hobbit, one gollum, two dogs, one wizard, one human, and one rabid squirrel. Those animals better not take a wiz in the car.  
  
Gandalf: Oh, come on! I told you I can't control myself!  
  
Legolas: NOT you, the dogs and squirrel!  
  
Gandalf: . . .*blush*  
  
Then yet another person came running up.  
  
All: Oh no, not him!!!!  
  
It was Boromir.  
  
Boromir: Help me! I know I'm supposed to die but nooooooo! Not this way!  
  
Suddenly they all saw what he was afraid of.  
  
A little Sailor Moon doll was chasing him, huge sharp teeth chomping the air as if that would make it go faster.  
  
Everyone hopped in to the car (even Boromir) and drove off.  
  
(Legolas made sure to back up over the doll.)  
  
They ran in to the Dancewraiths and Sauron, along with Saruman the inherently evil maid about a block away and picked them up as well.  
  
Legolas: This is crazy! Can't we just rent a car?  
  
Aragorn: Nope. And I hope your car doesn't need any gas because. . .we're broke.  
  
Saruman: Safety.  
  
Frodo: Oh no! Did you really let one?  
  
Saruman: MUWAH AH AH!  
  
Boromir: Hey, Aragorn, when was the last time you washed your hair?  
  
Sauron: Let's listen to show tunes!  
  
Dancewraith #1: Why do we work for him?  
  
Dancewraith #2: Because he gave us these perty rings! That I have now come to despise.  
  
Dancewraith #3: Ah, man! What died in here?  
  
Arwen: The author.  
  
Saruman: Oh yeah, that is me that you smell!  
  
Dancewraith #3: Did the author really die? Or was it just her imagination?  
  
Arwen: I think it was both. . .You can see for yourself if you must.  
  
#3: Oh wow! *poke poke*  
  
Gayrond: I'm an elf? Wow I guess I just realized that, you see. . .come here Arwen, give your uncle Gayrond a hug!  
  
Arwen: I'd just as soon hug this dead author. *does so*  
  
Me: Hey, get off! Wow, it is really packed in this car! Where's Gollum?  
  
Gandalf: On the bar there where the roof velcros on, right on top of your head.  
  
Gollum: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH! I FEEL THE WIND IN MY FACE!  
  
Legolas: Just two more hours, just two more hours. . .  
  
THE END  
  
A/N: Tuh duh! I hope you liked it, because it was certainly very fun to write it! Any body care for a sequel? Well, I'm off to save the world from such evils as homework and book reports and math assignments. *dies*  
  
Everybody: Yay! She's dead! Now she can't torture us any more!  
  
Or so they think. . .  
  
Everybody again: Ya'll come back now, ya here? 


End file.
